Pancakes, Yoga, & Drag

Jonathan Clarence

Jonathan Clarence in his Brooklyn apartment

Sometimes I feel like child's pose lasts forever during the beginning of a yoga session
Like now
There goes my mind
I should've bought those Marc Jacob shoes from Beacon's Closet
Thai food would be so good for dinner
Oh! A chocolate protein shake!

Oh shit
I'm supposed to be letting my thoughts come and go

It's not working


The other day I became a drag queen while making pancakes in a friend's kitchen
I said it!

And it all happened so fast!
Six drag rehearsals and a single bowl of used pancake batter later I had a make-up
           artist named Todd beating my face with sparkles and foundation until I
           looked like a fabulous bearded lady
They called me Cee-Cee
My hair was blonde
My contour was soft
My lips were orange coral with glitter carefully evened out on top

And as he put the makeup on my face he said, "You know... The secret to your good
           skin is pancakes..."
That's when I realized the secret to everything really is my pancakes
The way I make those pancakes
Those pancakes are full of love, honey!
So his reaction must mean something! Right?!

Everyone is searching for emotion
I mean
Oh! Whatever!

This is my mind in the beginning of yoga
And I can't even be still in child's pose

It's hard to cherish what's within when you're so focused on what you're without

My arms are stretched out while my mind is wandering
And relaxing
And resting
Until I remembered
Yesterday I wanted to say
You'll be searching for your preference until you have that day where the universe reveals itself again
And you recall the hundreds of "right guys" from the past
Look, I get that you're this and you're that
And you have a trophy
Or an Oscar...

I don't care...

Where is the fire inside of you that burns for separate peace away from your
Who is the child that you keep under your flesh and money-maker?
Where is your understanding that no one really knows what to do next because we’re
           all children playing dress up and monopoly?
And when will you realize the grass is never greener on the other side?
It's just different grass!

So let me paint a picture for you
A beautiful picture of you
And then step out into the rain to watch that masterpiece fall apart between your fingers

Then I won’t feel so horrible for telling you I cannot commit to your proposal

I cannot feel emotion in your actions

You didn't even look excited about my pancakes…

The way that I put love into every step

Sent you a video of my first drag performance in Brooklyn
And you didn't even consider that maybe every other "Queen" isn't a mockery or foolish
           thing looking for attention
Being a Queen is a marker that you've transformed
Become more than the man that's agreed with himself that he doesn't have to be the
           person that everyone expects for him to be just to breathe
They are beautiful magicians
They are inspirations
They are survivors
Walking down the street for us is a cupcake

But hey...
Why do our parents and elders always tell us friends are forever?
Why do our mothers always remind us that we're capable of doing everything
Here's a question for you...
When did you start making decisions for yourself?
It's easy
I just chose to lift out of child's pose

Jonathan Clarence is a poet living in New York City. During the week, you can find him doing or teaching a vinyasa flow or just out and about enjoying life. He loves to dance. He loves to learn. He loves to be himself. Follow him on Twitter @JnthnClrnc.

Photograph by Hanna Agar. Wardrobe Styling by Matthew Anderson.